Internet dating and Relationships

Online social networking / dating has become one of the most frequent reasons for internet usage. In an evolutionary society, online dating and social relationships have flourished in cyberspace. Online communication differs from face to face communication as users are able to search for and evaluate profiles to determine compatibility and identify mutual desires (Chiou & Yang, 2010). Correspondence occurs via internet chat relay, enabling users to disclose more information about themselves and much sooner than if they were to physically sit across from another individual and feel intimidated. As a result, the relationship often grows quicker (Cheever et al., 2007). In 2008, over 12 million people subscribed to internet dating services. Results in 2007 showed that internet dating companies had made a profit of over 900 million dollars (Kim et al., 2009).

One of the biggest advantages of online dating is that it is less time consuming and more productive in finding a mate than doing so traditionally (Cheever et al., 2007). In the physical world, a relationship may take months to develop and grow. This means more time is spent working out whether the two parties are compatible. A reported by (Gavin, Duffield & Scott, 2005 cited in (Cheever, 2007) revealed a 94% success rate of online participants remaining in committed relationships after their first date, for at least another eight months. A successful dating company, eHarmony, 2006, cited in (Cheever, 2007), revealed high success rates, stating that 33,000 members were married in a 12-month period. The Pew study (Wildermuth, 2004 cited in Cheever, 2007) revealed that the majority of adults did not attach a ‘desperate stigma’ to online dating. This research also found that most online daters were more confident and felt as though they could be more of their authentic self, rather than a fiction of oneself. Online dating was viewed by many as non threatening, allowing users to actively seek out mates and view profiles. Users report it was easier to end a relationship or reject an online request, rather than going through the awkwardness of a face to face rejection (Gunter B, 2008). It was evident by participants comments in (Gunter, 2008) survey that online dating had helped them to grow and therefore strive for healthier relationships. Results from the survey indicated that most internet daters had learned to become more adventurous, and also felt gratified with the addition of new friends, enhancing their communication within an online community and society in general.

One of the major disadvantages found in Gunter’s survey (2008) was the difference between what men and women sought online. Women’s primary interest in internet dating was to find new friends and the potential for a serious relationship with the possibility of marriage in the future. Men stated their primary focus was to find dates. Thus, women fell into two basic categories, those who wanted long lasting romantic relationships, and those who were looking for friendship. The majority of men admitted they were not looking for a serious relationship; rather they were seeking a light hearted relationship with the addition of sexual activity. Men were also more inclined to contact a female profile on the basis of an ‘attractive photo’, where as women were more likely to pursue a male based on what they wrote about themselves in their profile. While it’s true that internet dating can enhance self-esteem for some people, it can also have negative effects on others. Internet dating and does not cater to all personality types. If successful relationships are measured by an individual's self-worth gained from relationship, then some may find their self-worth diminishing when they do not obtain the responces or interest from others that they'd hoped for. Those who are less confident to start off with, may feel overwhelmed by the idea of revealing themselves in a public forum as internet dating. This may result is less confident individuals participating less in this kind of dating.(Kim.,et al 2009).

A sample survey was taken of two groups. The first group were computer literate people over 40years of age. The second group were computer literate and between 20 and 35 years of age .  In the first survey group, the over 40’s, 63% indicated their internet usage has enhanced their social networking although none were confident about revealing information about themselves. 25% had met new people through internet use, and 12% experienced a relationship lasting longer than six months.  50% of the over 40’s indicated they would consider internet dating if they were single. In the second survey group aged between 20 and 35 years, 83% indicated their internet use had enhanced their social network, but only 32% were confident revealing information about themselves. 17% had met new people through the internet and none had experienced a relationship lasting longer than six months. 50% of those surveyed said they’d been upset or intimidated through internet use, and 0% would consider internet dating. Overall most people believe that their internet usage enhances their social networks, people over 40 are far more likely to consider internet dating than younger people, but there is little evidence of sustained relationships formed through internet use. Over half the people who socialise through the internet have experienced intimidation or upset of some sort.

Internet dating is just one form of communication that can either enhance or diminish social relationships. The opportunities to communicate with others are in fact building real communities evidenced by the number of marriages and relationships that last longer than six months (however the sample survey does not support this statement). The high levels of usage point further towards enhancement. Internet dating is often perceived as a fun and harmless way to meet new people, and in some cases form friendships or just a casual hook up. The study undertaken by (Kim et al., 2009) challenges stereotypical views that internet daters are all loners or socially awkward individuals who can’t meet anyone on the real world. The findings suggested that internet daters were actually sociable people, and from my comparative survey are likely to be from the older age group.  Internet dating is an effective tool of communication and when used by people best suited to it, can enhance both their social network, as well as that of those around them. On the other hand, internet dating or communication is not effective for everybody and in this sense is merely an electronic forum that mediates a human desire to connect to others, and can facilitate the onset of mild anxiety. Internet dating highlights the difference between what men and women are looking for in a relationship, and exposes those differences more rapidly than real life dating; and while this may be a time saving mechanism for some, it may also increases levels of rejection, anxiety and frustration for a considerable number of others. There is no doubt that internet dating has a place in society. Like any other form of communication, there is a social protocol and in some cases, expectations need to be limited.